I'm not ready to say goodbye!

For the past couple of years, I write a 'Year in review' post, towards the fag end of the year:

For most part, it is a way of 'Counting my blessings' and being grateful for the year that was and talking about the new year as a fresh start for new goals and new resolutions. But, haven't we already seen countless memes on the internet mocking at our human tendencies to make and break our resolutions within a month into the New Year? It got me thinking, why in-fact, do we really need that shiny word 'New' to all those same things we are going to aspire for in the New year - a healthy lifestyle, mental well-being, to learn, to read, to write, to find love ...

This time around, I will continue to aspire for the same goals I have set for myself, with a refreshed perspective. Because, sometimes it takes more than a year to achieve some goals, and each year teaches us something valuable; we fail, fall and learn. 

I would still want to go into a recount of all my blessings of 2018, both in and out of disguise. 2018 has been a year that hit me with so many things that I was not ready for. Most of the things were welcome. It was like a dominos line of good things happening one after the other, that before I can really enjoy the success of one good thing, a better thing came along. Now, I think this is partly results-reaping of the work put in 2017. It started off with me getting admission to the ONE university that I badly wanted to get into in Germany, following which I get a job offer (to dream job) from Ireland...and by now I am delirious. Next up is two more job offers one from Amz and another from Aka and an interview call at BCG (I did not make it, still very proud that I was shortlisted). And then fate intervenes and the plans to fly off to Ireland is replaced by the other best  alternative, joining Aka, which later turns out to be THE best decision, because Aka job + all its perks > dream job. Imagine losing that over Ireland. I think a superpower, who really loves and cares for me, shifted the cards around a bit, so that a certain one in a million work permit 'got lost in transit' and my DOJ got considerably delayed. In between all this, 2018 gifted me one month of peace, APRIL, where I really mastered the art of living laid-back. Sleeping, reading, cooking, binge-watching, drinking wine (I started this year) and slowly, deliberately taking care of myself. The best part about APRIL was that, though it was a month where a couple of things went wrong, I did not let it affect me. I displayed considerable amount of faith in life and my personal super-power above, that things will sort itself out (and it did). I was quite impressed at myself.

At Aka, I met wonderful people and flew to Boston (first US trip ever). I bought my first Apple (iPhone 8+). Also, I now work out of one of the prettiest looking office space, in the heart of Bangalore city. No doubt, this year has been the best, professionally. All the professional success, kind of took off the blow of hitting 30 this year, still single. But in fact, I had met someone. Someone real nice. It didn't work out, but nevertheless so glad I tried. Glad I stepped out of the shell and put myself out there. I had Tuesday date nights, movie dates and long conversations over glasses of wine. Dating was hard all over again, after I stopped seeing him. I joined for German classes, so I had something to do over the weekends and I passed my first level. I started going for long walks and discovered that it is the best form of exercise to lose weight and keep fit. I discovered, for the first time, Sid Sriram's magical voice and fell in love with a lot of songs, over and over again. I met friends who I was keen on keeping touch with. I made an effort to book tickets and go to other cities to meet them, to keep the friendship growing. I also ran into an old friend from school at a mall. This year, I made a REAL attempt at relationships, both new ones and in keeping the old ones alive.

So far so good, I don't want to present the highlight reel of 2018 and blur out the essentially painful parts. If you haven't noticed, this was the year, where a lot of people got married, a lot. I had nights where I could not sleep. I had days where I was in sheer panic. I was broken. I cried. I struggled with just getting through some days and weekends. I struggled with negative thoughts and unhelpful thinking patterns. And through it all, my parents and friends were there to support me and tell me kind words. Prayer helped. Sometimes youtube videos helped too. Other times, reading and writing helped. Playing with my niece helped. Meeting the floofs in my hometown helped. Sometimes a hug helped. Buying flowers and adorning my house with it helped. Picking up new habits and hobbies helped..

Hitherto, I don't want to end 2018 as a discrete year, I want to pick up where I left off in 2019 - the healing, the work on myself, the dreams and aspirations are still the same...I just want to do better at it in 2019. I want to be consistent and keep doing the same things with renewed focus. More importantly, I want to learn to trust, like I did in APRIL, trust my super-power above, that things, indeed will work out..that sometimes, I need to patiently wait it out.